Before the busyness of the day begins, I sit down. Laying in front of me is my robin-egg creative writing Bible. Beside it, one of my bargain store journals splays across the table. I take a sip of my smoothie and stare mildly. If I’m honest with myself, there’s a part of me that dreads this time of the day.
I fear the failures that will be exposed, I fear the work associated with extracting my imperfections and diagnosing them. My fear is that I won’t add up, once again. For some reason, I dive headlong into the conclusion that there will be a million and ten things wrong with the way I am conducting the intricacies of my life… yet another reason I need to start reading the egg-shell book… condemnation sucks.
Here we go. I crack open the Bible and start reading Proverbs 3… for the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a Father corrects a child in whom he delights…joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding… Okay, so how do I gain wisdom Lord?
Lord? I roll my eyes and move on to the next passage. For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold…
“Katie. Sit with me.” His voice is but a whisper but it resounds so deeply. Sit with me…
“Lord, I am sitting with you.”
“Katie. Rest. Be with me, not with your to-do list. I am here. Waiting. Come sit with me.” With a sheepish grin on my face, I tuck the Bible away, put down my pen and close my eyes.
“Just sit with me.” His plea is so innocent, almost childlike in longing. The warmth of His smile cascades over my shoulders like sunlight. Warmth, peace. A little girl’s laughter. Sun bathed flowers of all kinds. The Father chuckles. His laughter sounds of rushing waters, tumbling and leaping and crashing in pursuit of the shore. A blanket of warmth and softness tickles my toes. I open my eyes. He rests beside me, one arm around me the other in His lap. Those eyes. I catch my breath. They are deep caverns of living
“Daughter, what do you see?”
I open my eyes. He rests beside me, one arm around me the other in His lap. Those eyes. I catch my breath. They are deep caverns of living colour, awash with sunsets, dancing prairie grass and the greenery of Israel in bloom. He smiles knowingly, fully aware of all my thoughts. God of the Universe pulls me close, leans His chin gently onto my head and starts to sing. Deep, melodious and rich.
“My girl, my girl, perfect you are to me. You are worthy. I long to be with you. I want to hold you. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. There’s no peace like mine. No striving. You are perfect my girl. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Nothing you could ever do will disappoint me.”
My heart warms, the pains and disappointments of life subside. I am filled with joy, in the presence of my Father. The One who knows me more intimately than any other and there’s nothing more I could ever want. I reside where my soul has forever longed to be. I am home.
If you’ve worked yourself out of the daily practice of time with the Father, don’t feel condemned. He holds no offense against you. My prayer is that you are inspired to once again join your Father in the place of being, the place of rest.
Much love, peace and rest,