“Please Alex.” I whined. “just a couple more minutes…it’s only five past eleven and I’ve really missed you.” My boyfriend of four months sighed, raked his hands through his hair and allowed his shoulders to slump. It had been a long day for him and my tantalizing request was draining his resolve, I knew it.
“Katie, I would love to stay but I really need to go home. We made a deal, remember. No visiting past eleven.”
“Yes.” I rolled my eyes then looked up at him. “But that was a month ago and it’s just one night…besides, we’ve made exceptions before.” He slowly plucked his black jacket off its hanger.
“It doesn’t matter how long ago we made the deal Kate or that we’ve already messed it up. I need to go. You already know what happens if I stay.” I brought my hand to my mouth and thought about what he had said.
“But that’s a good reason to stay, don’t you think?”
Alex looked down at the ink he had etched onto his arm earlier that day. They boldly and clearly formed the Hebrew word “pure”.
“Please.” I reached up and placed my hand on his broad shoulder.
He furrowed his brow and looked into my eyes with a serious gaze. “Katie.” That was the last straw, he wasn’t going to bite the lure. It looked like I was going to be cuddling a book for the next hour.
“Fine…” I removed my hand and folded my arm over it. “I’ll see you tomorrow…or the next day.”
“Sounds good.” He smiled weakly. “Sleep well.”
“You too.” I mumbled, feeling ticked but proud of my man. It was just like Alex to do what he just did. It was just like him to stand up for purity, even when I wasn’t willing. God had found a good one for me, that’s for sure…but I really wanted to cuddle and couldn’t wait for the day when we belonged to each other.
Have you ever found yourself in that kind of a situation, longing to do something that you know will lead you down a path you would rather not walk?
I’m positive that every single person has, at some point in their lives, experienced longings of this nature. I also believe that our feelings do not dictate reality and even if our reality is: I am going to die without this person’s arms wrapped around me, it’s not actually true. If I’m honest, a little part of me died every time I allowed Alex and I to go further than we should have physically.
That leads me to the kicker, the big question: why stay pure? As Christ followers, we have died to self and have been called to follow what Jesus did. Because of this, we must listen to God when He says, “don’t do those things.”
In that same train of thought, I find it saddening that in our western culture we have come to think that just because someone tells us not do to something they are infringing on our freedom and are considered a looming, patriarchal-crazed jerk.
I know that I have a good Father who does not want to see me with STD’s or with children who have no Father. God designed us to live life in a holistic full way.
From my experience dating I would like to suggest a couple tips when it comes to staying pure.
- PLEASE make time to be together but do not make that time late at night…snuggled up together on the couch, feeding one another popcorn and watching a rom com. Nothing and I mean NOTHING reflecting the lifestyle we have been called to lead comes out of this! Trust me. I have been there on many occasions.
Of course, there will be times when the night is young, our breath smells amazing and our date is looking hot. These will be the times when we question if the situation is okay. I mean, we do have a window in the room.
Hmm… toughy… here’s a complicated but super informative check you can use:
are friends present who are willing to keep us away from each other? No…
Are we the only ones in this room? Yes…
Are we cuddled up to one another? Yes…
Should you do it? Let’s see…
Calculating your answer…. A resounding NO! As my friend Lecare is famous for saying, “don’t do it.”
- Pray for and seek out an accountability partner… and NO. Before you get angry that this is WAY too Christenese, let me explain a little more as to what characteristics you should look for in this partner. They need to be someone who will make a point to check up on you or even someone who is willing to start charging you funds every time you decide to take it a little too far with your beau. I have a friend whose sister would charge her $30 and a brother in law who would charge her man $200 for going past their boundaries. Wowsa, that kind of money made them think twice, that’s for sure! Ultimately, this benefitted them greatly and kept them from falling into patterns they would regret later on.
- Don’t shy away from God. If you have slipped, keep going back to Him. Ask Him for strength, wisdom and guidance. If you haven’t slipped, continue to keep the fire burning between the two of you as this is not only important for dating life but for life as a married person one day.
- Get to know Love personally and intimately. A relationship with God as number one is always the most satisfying. He is true Love and will never fail you. Understanding this while dating is big. Believing this while married is huge. The truth and realization keeps a person afloat when life with the spouse isn’t coming along so swimmingly. Trust me, I know <3
I strongly urge you to get to know Him, the Maker of you, better. Spend time with Him in the morning, read His word, ask for strength but know that ultimately you have been given the choice to act in whatever way you find is best. You have the ability to do things that will either help or hinder your relationship with the person you love and the God who will never stop loving you.
Please choose wisely…and have some fun while doing it ;P
Just imagine this: it’s been a very long day. You have spend a majority of your time at work then come home to the task of crafting a fine tasting meal (aka ramen or spam). In a little less than half an hour, the hubs arrives. About one hour later the meal is entirely devoured, leaving nothing more than an unruly stack of dishes perched atop the kitchen counter. You eye each other, wondering who is going to make the offer first and wait. The tension is so thick you could cut it with some not cliche sharp object… does your husband accept the dreaded task that lies before him?
To ensure that he will indeed subscribe to this challenge I have a couple tips that I have picked up in my year and a bit of being hitched with a dude.
- Create a schedule then, for the love of Pete, STICK to it – veering from our homemade schedule definitely affected my husband and I. Perhaps this sounds silly and a little elementary but really, it helps. Lets say, I work until 3:30 pm Monday – Monday and am able to make dinner each day that week (end)…this means that my man will clean up those dishes after every meal that week (end) (unless there is a super special circumstances…and I mean SUPER special…) Knowing and sticking with that simple routine gives us both a sense of peace and understanding of our duties; we will schedule as such.
2. Don’t leave piles – I am not talking about fecal matter… although it has been a long day and oddly enough, potty humor does tend to bring me WAY more joy than it should at times. I digress…try to create meals that require as little clean up as possible. I have found it beneficial to wash little items along the way so there is less for Mr. Hubs after he has combined his challenging day with a plate of tryptophan. He will thank you for not leaving piles and will be more willing to make certain he has thoroughly completed the job that has been assigned to him.
3. Gratitude is key – remember to thank him for the work he has done, even though it is indeed something that the two of you decided he is in charge of. When your man feels affirmed and appreciated not only will he be encouraged he will, most likely, reciprocate with the behavior that brought him the thanks in the first place. It is likely that he will compliment all your hard work as well, thus making both members in the partnership feel valued and affirmed in what they have done and are doing!
By no means is this list exhaustive! If you have tips that you would like to share please do so in the comments below.
Once again, thank you for reading! I wish you the best of luck as your convince that hubby of yours to start cleaning those dishes.
Do you have a dream, a goal that you have wanted to reach for quite some time? Perhaps this dream is something you have wanted to do even since you were a child? I certainly do and it’s not a small dream. Why would I dream small when I have a God who is SO big?
This topic came up in conversation three days ago. A student of mine and I were talking about dreams. I had been talking to my class about my goal to become a published author, an author of many compelling novels. She was pleased to exchange thoughts and let me know her passion to be an Olympic athlete.
“But.” She paused and stared at her animated computer screen.
“But what?” I pressed. She smiled sheepishly and kept her attention trained on the screen “but I can’t be an Olympic athlete.”
“Says who?”I prodded.
“Everyone around me.”
“Not this person.” I pointed at myself and grinned. She stared at me for a moment then smiled before resuming her typing.
I wasn’t just saying that because I wanted brownie points with one of my students (one less person who might want to egg or toilet paper my car). I knew that she had a passion placed in her by the God of the Universe (because He is super amazing and does awesome stuff like that) and I was in a position to encourage it, do I did.
So here we are, discussing the fact that the dream in your heart is not drivel. It has not been placed there arbitrarily and it is NOT impossible. If you are okay with it, I would like to share some advice with you. They are tips Lord has been placing on my heart with regards to success. I would not normally categorize them into steps but for the sake of flow I will do so today.
- Acknowledge the gift is not your own – God has placed something very special within you. Realize that this is something He has given you, not for your own glory but for His glory. As we grow in relationship with the Lord we realize that it is so much better for us that all the glory to go to Him. If it would come to us we would be prideful wrecks whose eyes were not on what really matters, people’s eternities.
- Practice – you may have a gift but that doesn’t mean the book or album is going to write and sing itself. You need to practice, but the work in and actually start the project you have been dreaming about!
- Join a community – become involved with others who have been given similar gifts to you. The Lord is kind to give us people who are similar to us but very different at the same time. We can learn SO MUCH from those around us.
I hope these tips are of benefit to you. If you have any questions or comments please leave them in the comment box below! I love hearing what you have to say.