It was tough rolling out of bed this morning. My skull throbbed as though someone had whacked my face with a baseball bat. My stomach spun and flailed, tossed like Poseidon’s ocean, assailed by ravenous wind gusts and splashing mists of sickening nausea.
In short, I felt like crap.
After peeling myself off my floor, I slowly made my way into the kitchen, gingerly forced fruit down my throat, popped a pill and shuffled back into bed, deflated, defeated and feeling much older than my twenty-five years. I don’t know about you, but being sick for a long period sucks. Fear that the pain will never leave is more agonizing than the symptoms.
In many cases, my weakness has come as a full-blown blessing. In my times of greatest pain, fear and loneliness, I have come to know God’s character in greater depths. This is because I have had to cry out to Him like never before. I have had to lean my full trust on Him because there is nothing the doctors can do. There is nothing I can do except, snuggle into Him and weep.
It’s a level of intimacy I don’t experience with Him unless I am weak and needy. It’s kind of funny, and quite horrible, that I have to be struck down by sickness before I take a moment to spend serious one- on-one time with my Father, the most faithful, kind, gentle Being in the cosmos. Ya’know, the Creator of the Universe. I can’t help but laugh at myself sometimes.
If you are in chronic pain I want you to know that hope is not lost. God has not forgotten you. When you feel weak, take time to lay in His strong arms. Ask Him to cover you with His peace. Ask Him to show you deep truths about Himself. Ask Him to heal you in the way only He can. He will do it, in His timing. Remember, He has plans to “prosper” you; He wants to give you a “hope and a future” because He loves you more than you could ever imagine (Jeremiah 29:11). Although it may not feel like this is the case, don’t let your feelings dictate reality.
Do you read me? God loves you and wants the best for you, even when it doesn’t feel like it!
For now, embrace the peace of Christ in the chaos. Amid the pain, allow yourself to sink deeper into the blue. He is waiting there to take hold of you and bring you a life of deeper purpose and meaning.