Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
The bathrooms in the University feel so dark. So dark and gloomy and I don’t know why. There are plenty of lights. Maybe it’s the mood I’m in whenever I’m in here. That must be it. I tore off some toilet paper and used it to shield my hand from the latch then towards the sink, dreading the reflection that would come back to lock eyes with me.
“Hello there Monica.” The character in the mirror stayed true with my movements. She even smirked at me the same way I did. Yep, the sad story still remained. That creature was me. I studied her face a little more closely.
The winged eyeliner I had traced on earlier that morning was attempting to escape via running free off the side of my face. Great. No matter how hard I tried, the stupid stuff wouldn’t stay on.
I lock eyes with the creature in the mirror. “Please work for a change!”
Aka, I feel insecure about my looks and need to appear to have things together in front of others.
Ugh, I hate it when my heart translates for me…
Whatever. I don’t want to look like an oil spill. I checked my phone. Five minutes until class started. Okay… I grabbed some paper towel, wetting it and reefed on the liner. Smears splayed out over my reddening skin. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Success after three minutes. Two minutes until show time.
The halls are filled with us. We are the students who obediently wear overpriced scarves, tights, plaid sweaters and varied colours of ombre hair. Everyone trying to be the same and yet wanting so desperately to be unique, different. Or rather, we all wanted to be the best. I could see it in their eyes. I could sense it in myself. This place is a breeding tank for competition. Who gave the best presentation? Who dressed the nicest? Whose hair is the shiniest? The stress of it all oppressed me, stressed me, overwhelmed me.
I could see it in their eyes. I could sense it in myself. This place is a breeding tank for competition. Who gave the best presentation? Who dressed the nicest? Whose hair is the shiniest? The stress of it all oppressed me, stressed me, overwhelmed me.
I tried to be all these things, which further proved my follower status. I was just like everyone else, a follower, a nobody. Why couldn’t I be someone’s somebody?
The plaque on the door reads A358. A couple students bump into me as they pass. I think I’ve seen them before but I don’t think they recognise me. Maybe they do… did they hate me or think I am annoying for being vocal about my opinions on social media?
“Sorry…” they mutter. Their eyes are glued to the ground. I nod my head to acknowledge their apology but they are gone already. I want to tell them that I’m sorry if I have offended them but there is no time.
So here I am at class again, ready to cower in the corner, afraid to make a mistake, ready to be the one no one notices, ready to fail… again.
Although this character and her life are fictional, she reflects aspects of people I have spoken with as well as things I have noticed about my own thought processes. She strives for attention and is satisfied when she receives it but the feeling is fleeting. She wants to be known and noticed for being perfect but at what cost? Is she willing to lose herself entirely in the process?
As you walk the hallways of the University, your workplace of wherever today I want you to be reminded of the fact that you do not to embrace fear or anxiety. You do not need to sell out either. You do not have to be like those people who appear to have it all together. You do not have to put so much pressure on yourself to be the best for everyone.
You are allowed to be unique, individual. You are allowed to take risks and not fit into societal molds. You do not have to appear to be “perfect”.
You have a voice. You also have love on your side and perfect love casts out all fear.
Do you know why you are a conquerer in all these things? Because there is a God who called you into existence and has a plan for you. He has a purpose. He sees you! It doesn’t matter how many others are in that room. He sees you, He knows you and He loves you through and through.
Plan to spend time with Him today. Sit down and tell Him about your fears. Tell Him about your dreams. He cares so much and wants you to know how filled with joy life can be when you’re looking into His eyes and not into your own.
Many blessings and much love to you <3
Please, take the time to listen to this song. Please take the time to ask then acknowledge how much He delights in you. He sees you. He knows you. You are not alone. You’ve never been alone, no matter where you are.